“Normal” is a loaded word and many fathers resent the idea that they will be relegated to every alternative weekend. Before we can discuss what is considered normal contact with children, we need to understand the child’s age and level of development. For men who have never been fathers, they may be frustrated to find out that they will not be having sleepover contact with their newborn babies. Before asking for specific contact arrangements, we at Blake Attorneys always recommend that our clients do some reading about their child’s stage of development.
How Normal Contact Is Determined
A baby has been part of the mother’s body from the time of its existence commencing and the process of being birthed is the beginning of understanding that it is a separate creature from its mother. For much of the first year of baby’s life, his existence will revolve around his relationship with his mother. It would never be a good idea to remove that mother from baby’s life because baby needs the security of that stable attachment. Dad’s involvement ideally is supportive to baby but does not undermine the bond between mother and child.
From the age of one year to 3 years, most experts agree that baby can spend some hours with people other than mother without undermining baby’s sense of security.
It is important to remember that children’s intellectual development cannot happen until and unless the child is emotionally secure. Although some children have a close relationship with their dad by the age of three or four, very long periods without their mother can still be extremely distressing and emotionally uncomfortable for the child at an age where they are not really able to express that or explain it.
Although the usual contact for children with a dad no longer living in the house could be regarded as every second weekend, plus a week night in the intervening week, we usually try to build in more regular contact for shorter periods for younger children. Two weeks without dad is a long time for someone little. Being fetched from school or taken to school every day by dad can be a great way of keeping dad part of the family routine.
Every family has its routines and ways of doing things. Where the parties can co-operate, we usually manage to build in a bit more creative ways of spending time with the other parent without destroying the children’s routines or upsetting their sense of security.
The idea that children will live equally with both parents is not something that our firm subscribes to. Children are not turtles and they don’t carry their homes on their backs. Academic research and understanding guide us but each family has its own dynamics and solutions.
Children’s court procedures can be confusing. If you need more information about what constitutes normal contact with your children, speak to a family advocate at Blake Attorneys. Contact us today to book a consultation.